Austin Healey, It Had To End

From Moss Motoring 1986

By Reid Trammel, Tampa, FL

It’s been a little over seventeen years since the first of the ‘Big Healeys’ rolled out of Abingdon, and although virtually every Healey enthusiast regrets that fact, it had to end.

A combination of new US legislation and the vagaries of the British auto industry teamed up to lay the 3000 Mark III to rest, but even if things had worked out differently then, the Austin Healey most certainly would have succumbed by now anyway. After all, there are no more of the sporty Triumphs, venerable MGs, or sleek E-types being produced, so how could a limited- production car like the Aus­tin Healey have made it very far into the seventies? Sooner or later the laws of economics and the misguided intentions of bureaucrats would have caught up to end the party. ‘The end of an era?’ Yes, but it had to end. However, let’s suppose for a moment that by some strange twist of fate that the Austin Healey was still being produced. Suppose that it had outlasted the E-types, the TRs, and even the MGs. . .

Now in its thirty-second year of production, enthusiasts in both Europe and North America applaud the introduction of the 1986 Austin Healey 2000 Mark IV Turbo. Strict emissions standards have necessitated a down- sized, two-liter engine, but ‘adequate’ power has been maintained by the ingenious addition of turbo-charging. Of course, gone is that wonderful, distinctive Austin Healey exhaust note of days gone by. It has been replaced by the tinny whine of the turbo, but that’s a small price to pay for keeping the 0-to-60 mph times on the new emission-choked Healeys under fifteen seconds! Right?

Gone too are the simple, graceful chrome bumpers that the old-timers remember from the ’60s. These have long since been replaced by large, plastic’ impact’ bumpers that protrude over a foot in front and back of the body. But it’s worth it. I mean, you just never know when you might get the urge to ram your Healey into something immovable without wanting to dent your bumper! Right?

Of course, this combination of a huge, grill-blocking bumper, and turbo-charged engine just doesn’t mix. Just at a time when the Healey s engine needs more cooling air than ever before, it gets a battering ram bumper blocking the air intake. What to do? No problem! The grill just had to be enlarged, and now covers the entire front of the car between and under the headlights. I mean, you loved that look on the Checker Cab! Right?

And as we all remember, the wire wheels that we all came to know and love had to go a few years ago. It seems that someone in Washington D.C. decided that the things just weren’t safe. Soon afterwards wire wheels were banned as original equipment, but hey, those new fake wire wheel covers aren’t bad looking! Right?

And then there’s all the little changes made to comply with the new regulations: little side reflectors cluttering up the once smooth flanks of the Healey; increased ground clearance for some reason that no one can actually explain; and air bags! Don’t forget the air bags! But we don’t mind — it’s worth it to still have our Healeys! Right?

And what’s more, those clever British haven’t been sleeping through the Japanese car boom. No sir! Why, I understand that just next year there’ll be a new option available on the Healeys: that’s right, you’ 11 be able to order a Healey with one of those ‘voice warning systems’ that reminds you to shut the door, close the trunk, and not chew with your mouth open. Gee, I can close my eyes and hear it even now, announcing with that famous British reserve, ‘Switch off, old chap, something is burning’.

If all this sounds less than attractive to you, then you probably agree with me that car design is best left to car designers — not politicians and bureaucrats. The Austin Healey is a beautiful example of a car designed and built by a team of men who loved cars and loved their work. The beauty, simplicity and harmony of the Big Healeys continues to give us pleasure over seventeen years since the end of production. It reminds us of a day when’ character’ was something built into cars, not just an advertising slogan; when there was no such thing as fake wire wheels; when things that looked like wood were really made out of wood; and when a company’s competition cars at least looked something like their production cars. Alas, those days are gone.

Maybe it’s better that the Austin Healey bowed out when it did – – still a strong seller with all of its integrity intact. How inappropriate it would have been for such a wonderful car to slowly succumb to the effects of corporate penny-pinching and an ever-increasing list of governmental regulations. A 1986 Austin Healey 2000 Mark IV Turbo wouldn’t have been an Austin Healey at all. Even if Abingdon had kept turning out Austin Healeys after 1967, they wouldn’t have been Big Healeys.