The MG Olympics in 1996

Runners to your marks…get set…bang! GO! Another Olympic year is upon us. Many of us couch potatoes will more than likely be spending more time in front of the tube this summer hoping our men and women can bring home the gold.

For the last 15 years or so I have been the owner of several MGs, and in doing so, I have become a fan of the Olympics—the MG Olympics! I truly believe that if a person can keep an MG on the road for four consecutive years with no major mechanical failure—it’s an automatic gold.

Now, I’m not saying that MGs are lemons, for I know that with proper maintenance one can travel many a mile. However, once mechanical trouble does set in, it can be an Olympic marathon trying to put the little devils back on the road to the gold.

So in my travels in my MGs, I have come across several “games” they like to play, and here are a few of the Olympic events one can enroll in while owning an MG.

EVENT #1: THE 300-YARD MGB PUSH

You must first have had your Wheaties for this one, because this is a rigorous event. The object of this event is to push your ‘B to the nearest off-ramp without endangering yourself or the cars coming up behind you. You can practice for this event in a large parking lot. Start with no fuel in the gas tank at first and gradually add fuel until you feel your legs are ready. A good score here is 30 minutes.

EVENT #2: THE MGA 200-YARD TIRE CHASE

This is a two-stage event in which the first objective is to get the car stopped without doing any further damage to it while still keeping an eye on the errant wheel, which is rolling down the street at a blinding pace! The second step is to try to get your wheel back without getting run over or berated by other drivers and pedestrians. A good score here is 15 minutes.

EVENT #3: THE MG JACKPUT

After retrieving your wheel from Event #2, you realize the jack is broken. A good score here is 25 feet.

EVENT #4: SYNCHRONIZED CARBURETING

This event can make many an entrant frustrated after only a few minutes, and a good score would be around two hours.

EVENT #5: THE 20-YARD MIDGET PUSH-START

Leg strength is again a key factor. The object is to get the MG going as fast us possible via pushing. At the pinnacle of acceleration, you must jump into the moving car, push in the clutch, engage a gear, and then let out the clutch. If a deep exhaust note is heard (or the crowd roars), you were successful. A good score here is 20 yards or 20 seconds, whichever comes first.

EVENT #6: THE LUCAS FIVE-MILE WALK

The object of this event is not to dwell on what could be wrong, but rather to just start walking. This will initially reduce your arrival time. Good score here is one hour and 15 minutes.

As you can see, MG ownership can definitely keep one in shape if you let it. In addition, stay tuned when the Winter Olympic Games come along. Watch out for the One Man Midget Luge, the Two Man ‘B Bobsledding, the One Man A Crank Start, the MG Tire Chains event, etc.

And for those of you thinking about investing in an MG—”May the gold be with you!”

—Scott Nielsen